Ace Translations

Things I often hear from my customers and what they really mean:

They say: "Oh, I think have the thirteen cents."
They mean: "I'm gonna hold up the line while I dig around in my purse for some change and toss it at you when I think I found it."

I say: "Can I help you find anything?"
Man says: "Oh no. I'll ask one of the guys."
He means: "You must be retarded and not know one single thing about tools or where stuff is in this store. P.S. I am sexist."

Can I just say I know where mostly everything is in the store??? And I'm pretty good with tools. I picked out a grommet kit for this guy yesterday. Name another girl who could do that. And please for the love of pete, when you pay a cashier with change and she is holding her hand out PUT IT IN HER HAND!
Also:

1. Don't pay with wet money. Gross.
2. If you pay me 30 dollars in ones, I may question your profession.
3. Do not hand me your 'coin purse' and say "I'll let you count it."
4. Do you not throw/toss your credit card at me.
5. Do not say "Oh, I have the change!" after I have already counted out your change.
6. Please be aware if you tell me goofy stories about your personal life, they may appear on the internet.

One such goofy story,
An old man comes in the other day and asks if we have any underwater lights he can install in his pond. Why, you might ask. To keep his wife from falling in!! No joke.

Questions...

I should never have to ask myself, but I do...

1. Must the happy meal that has been strewn about the stairs be power washed at 8 o clock in the morning?

2. Did you honestly think "Prop 203" was a good answer when the cops asked you why you smoked weed in the bathroom?

3. Does popcorn and diet coke qualify as dinner?

4. Does that girl seriously think her shirt is meant to be worn as a dress?

5. Why did creepy repairman think it was a good idea to change my air filter in my room while I was in the shower?

6. Does my father want to kill said creepy repairman now?

It has been an interesting week. One rather entertaining story. A friend of a friend of a friend asked me to go to dinner with him. He said it was my choice. So I suggested somewhere on University. He says, "Oh, I was thinking Burger King." He was serious. Needless to say, I give up.

THANK GOD ITS ALMOST THANKSGIVING!

Dear Family,

Thank you everyone for the birthday love :] Terri, it was amazing to see you! I hope we can meet up in New York City! And Amy, I can't wait to see you again, it has been way too long! Mama and Dad, you guys know me better than anyone in the world, thank you for the amazing shopping trip and all the millions of other presents you have given to me all my life (you know the big ones like housing/school/food lol) Much appreciated! Grandma, you are the best ever I love you very much. Aunt Pam, Uncle Bill, Judd and Freckles, thank you so much :] Aunt Shelly and Uncle Jerry thank you too! And thankyou my second family the Ryan's! I think I've covered everyone except for my dearest brother and his little fam.

Let me just say, this gift was genius and I am going to explain why.

Above is a picture of my "sketchbook" I have been using this year. Also known as twenty pieces of computer paper stapled together.

This beautiful hard cover book complete with artist's pencils is my new sketchbook! Much less ghetto.

Some other random things I ordered. The brush, to dust off eraser crumbs without smearing your masterpeices! The little tub is the greatest glue in the world. The brayer (the rolly thing) is God's gift to gluers. And the white paper underneath is the most amazing paper an artist could ask for. 

All these glorious, nerdy art supplies came in these two boxes (two day air rush delivery!) So amazing. I love love love love love it! I'm using all of it for a self portrait collage due on Thursday. (A collage of stamps, plane tickets, envelops etc. to symbolize my moving around all the over the place!) So if anyone has any plane ticket stubs, train tickets, you name it send them to me pleaseeeee!!!

So what else is new? I bought a gorgeous amaryllis flower at my second home, Ace. I already put up Christmas lights in my room. I am one of Kaila's bridesmaids, and I'm wearing cowgirl boots to a football game tonight lol. 

So that's a picture of part of my tiny room with the Christmas lights. Let me just explain that gross poster. I bought it for 4 dollars to prove a point to my stupid ex boyfriend that he should not have gross posters of disgusting women in his room! I won the argument and the poster pissed him off so much I decided to keep it up. However, a poster of NYC is on its way to take its place. So no one think less of me for having that, it really was not something I saw and said OH perfect I'll put that on the stone block wall in my dorm room. 

Mama, I am showing you this heap of laundry to prove to you I do not always look like this:

Alright, I got some random Ace stories on the brain so please enjoy! So as many people know, Ace caters to a certain uhh age group. And its like everyone above 60. I mean we literally have an entire aisle devoted to the strict home owner's association rules in Sun City (Aisle 15). I mean the UPC for sun city address lights is D603015. And I only know that because I ring them up a billion times a day! Okay, so the other day I'm cashiering and this is what happens:

Me: Hello sir, did you find everything okay?

Sir: (Attempts to lift bag of potting soil onto the counter) I'm getting too old for this.

Me: (Rings up soil)

Sir: So, if I get your number can I call you sometime?

Me: (Speechless)

If you are too old to lift a 5 pound bag of potting soil, you are certainly too old to ask for my phone number.

So other than the sun city aisle, the other aisle that gets the most action: plumbing. I honestly can't even count how many times people bring in old plungers, flappers, etc. and ask me to throw them away for them. I don't care if I sound like a beezy, I say no. That's so gross. One time this guy came up to the counter, shoved the plunger down so hard it stuck. In one fluid motion he whips out a knife, pries it off the counter, and leaves without saying a word. Awkward! And one time, this lady RUNS in the door and yells "I NEED A PLUNGER RIGHT NOW!" I mean how embarrassing. A lot of times people tell me things I don't need to hear. Like the one lady who told me about how food got stuck in her throat so she reached her fingers down there and pulled it out and had to go to the hospital because she scratched her throat! I almost barfed for that one. She told me the story complete with hand motions, noises, the whole nine yards. One of my personal favorites is the guy who burst through the doors right before we were about to close exclaiming he needed drywall tape because his wife ripped the stripper pole out of their ceiling. It's really amazing what people will tell you lol. So bag sale day was last Saturday, anything that you could cram into a brown paper bag was 20% off. 

Customer: Does a rake fit in the bag?

Me: No...

Customer: Well, are you sure? Why not?

Me: (Holds up average sized brown bag) Well, this is the bag.

Anddd cue customer freak out/storm out the door. 

I really do love my job so much. I work with the best people ever. For example, yesterday my boss ordered pizza but since I was at the front I didn't get any. Did he order an entire pizza just for me later that night? Yes. How seriously awesome is that? Did all my male coworkers threaten to kill my ex boyfriend? Yes. Did 30,000 other people? Yes. 

Okay, that's for now :]

Stuff!

Here I sit watching the tv guide channel (one of the few channels I get) because I just can't take anymore Kate Plus Eight Minus John = Mid life crisis for Kate. I just got back from the library after laboring over my first actual design project. We could only use two colors and had to copy a passage/definition of a word from a design book. We had to have an image, a texture, and a line drawing in each layout. Three layouts, one text dominant, one negative space dominant, and one image dominant. I chose the word 'beauty'. Check them out!

text dominant

negative space dominant

image dominant

So basically that's my first real design project all done on the computer and I will for sure be putting it in my portfolio. 

So in other random news, here's what's going on in dorm life. Okay, check out this email my RA sent.

2. I have been receiving a ton of noise complaints. Please be respectful of the fact that we are all living in very close quarters. I realize we all have our own rooms but all of the vents are connected so please be conscious of how loud your music is, leaving your alarms buzzing, and just general noise.  As a reminder, if you leave your alarm on and go to class or are not around and it is going off Residence Life Staff can key into your room to turn it off. If we have to do this you can be documented. Please be respectful of that fact that those around you can hear it.

 

3. Walk appropriately through the hallways. I know that it may not seem like the balcony area is actually a hallway because it is outside. However, it is. When you run or even just walk loudly down the hallway it makes a very loud noise because of the concrete. If you are caught running through the halls you will be documented for hall sports.  I have never had to do this in the past and I have lived in this dorm for three years. The noise is just out of control. So please be conscious of your actions.

 

4. Pick up your trash.  I have personally found, and had reports of people leaving their trash in the corridors.  Everything from fast food bags to tubs of ice cream. Clean up after yourselves. It is nobody's job to clean up after you.

Okay, so the tub of ice cream that was left out was left outside me and my suite mate's door for three weeks (not by either of us). The alarm clock is our neighbor affectionately known as Sketch. It goes off at 6:30am EVERY MORNING and he leaves it on. ALL DAY LONG. I can hear it in my room and my suite mate is right next to him so she wakes up with him and his dumb alarm every day. I cannot wait to live in the apartment next year it's going to be so amazing!! Okay, so for everyone who thought I was exaggerating about the soup business, check these burns out!!!

Yeah, that's from SOUP for crying out loud!

Now, check out Arizona's rockin sunset.

Okay so me and my suite mate are often complaining about the lack of group activities going on. So today I got a note on my door for just that. 

Well, they tried I guess. Needless to say I don't think I will be attending the let's watch a movie about gay guys for two hours. Oh and the Sara needs a manicure ASAP fund is currently accepting all donations!

 

 

The College Life

So I can't decide if this should be called 'you know you're in college when...' or 'you know you're single when...' Either way I'm okay with both lol.

1. You drink straight out of the carton to avoid having to wash dishes in the same sink you brush your teeth in.

2. You do everything on the floor or bed including nail painting, homework doing, eating, and general relaxation.

3. You live off of Chick Fil A and assorted microwavable "goods". 

4. You watch ridiculous tv shows like Ghost Hunters and A Baby Story because those are the only two channels you get.

I'm sure there are plenty of other retarded things I do in college that I wouldn't normally do at home. I literally bribe myself on Tuesdays and Thursdays with chick fil a breakfast, its the only way I can force myself to get up for my 8 o clock class. Whoever decided college students could be mentally awake in an 8 o clock class was seriously disturbed. My class consists of 250 students with hoods covering their closed eyes. Oh, and the class should be around 400 students lol. 

Sass and Stairs.

As Andy, Aubrey, and their cursed basement stairs know... Sass and stairs just do not get along. Last Tuesday, I am rushing to class because I decided to get 10 minutes of extra sleep (surprise, surprise!) Let me just say thank god I made it down both flights of cement stairs at my dorm safely lol, but the steps leading up to my Italian class were a totally different story. So please picture this. I've got glasses on and a top knot (that lump of hair I plop on top of my head when I don't feel like doing any actual styling) and I'm walking as fast as I can up the stairs. If my life had an announcer here's how it would have gone down:

She races in the door! She mounts the first step! Up, up, UP UP UP. And it looks like a possible misstep... OH NO NO NO. Her knee is down! Maybe she can pull herself back up! OTHER KNEE IS DOWN! NO NO NO! BOTH HANDS ARE THE ON THE GROUND! AND THE BACKPACK SWINGS TO HER SIDE! SHE'S DOWN SHE'S DOWN! FULL ON FACE PLANT IN THE CEZAR CHAVEZ BUILDING!!!!!

Yes. This is not an exaggeration. I full on fell over, on stairs, in public, at a university. Like landed on the ground fell over, not just a trip. Well, thank God only one person was there to witness my guinea pig squeal as I went down. However, the oneee person who saw this was a complete jerk! This is what he does. He hears my clunk on the ground, turns over his shoulder, LAUGHS AND WALKS AWAY!
WHOA buddy! Didn't your mama teach you some manners? Oh I guess not, just like every other man on the face of this planet! Why I was surprised by this guy's reaction I will never know. Okay, so this is like several clumsy accidents within the passed week and a half or so, so I figured I was done. Nope.

Yesterday, I was diligently doing laundry, homework, and some cleaning so first of all I don't think I deserved what was about to happen to me lol. So I decide I'm hungry and wanna take a break. In an effort to save money I decide to microwave some soup. (It was made for the microwave, this is not 'an idiot puts metal into a microwave story' lol) So I take the soup out and open the lid. The next few minutes consist of an explosion of Campbell's chicken tortilla, me frantically running to find Tide Stain Release, and shoving my shins under cold water. Can I just ask who on earth burns their shins while microwaving soup? So, before this whole calamity occurred my refrigerator broke. Shocking, I know, it's not like my disgusting brown fridge has been in use since the stone age or anything. So, the only thing cold enough to hold on my shins was half a bottle of expired ranch. So for the rest of the day I closed the curtains in my room because I really didn't wanna have to explain to anyone why a bottle of ranch was duct taped to my shin while I sat on the floor painting with water colors. Can anyone else picture that scene in a mental institution???? "Now, Sara, that is a lovely water color! But remember, we don't tape condiments to our bodies!"