Today, so dramatic, if I had been in middle school still I would probably be in tears. Now I am just laughing, but here let me set the scene for you.

11:10am: Me, my starbucks, and my under-eye circles are peacefully sitting in astronomy class. My blonde friend swoops down to sit next to me, also sporting some sleepy eyes. So, both of us are struggling with this horrendous class due to our teachers complete lack of the ability to teach anything! We are working in our "textbook" which is actually a workbook that we are just magically supposed to know how to fill out. So we did what we knew and I closed the workbook waiting for our "teacher" to start "teaching" again. Please picture my teacher. He's like 40 years old. He wears basketball shorts and a t-shirt covered in paint to class. He says the F-word and many other colorful phrases more than any HBO character. He calls us all stupid/incompetent/retarded anywhere from 12-18 times per class. Today, this ever so pleasant man walked over to me and my friend. Please keep in mind this class has over 600 people in it and also that this man has a microphone with him.

Okay, so the scene has been set. Now here is what should have happened in a functional classroom:

Teacher: "Did you girls finish the activity?"
Sara: "We finished the ones we understood, now we are just waiting for you to go over the rest of them."
Teacher: "Okay, great. Which ones didn't you understand and let me help you with them for I am the glorious and ever knowledgeable teacher you are spewing money at to actually teach you things! So let me do just that and teach you this meaningless garbage so you may pass my completely uninteresting general education credit that will have no affect on your future whatsoever!" Insert teeth bearing grin and general enthusiasm from all involved parties. 


What actually happened in my unbearable class;

Teacher: "Why the hell are you two just sitting here?"
Sara: "We did the ones we knew-" does not let me finish my sentence
Teacher: "What? What? The ones you knew? That doesn't even make sense. That is not even proper english. The ones you knew..." Insert disapproving huff over the microphone to be enjoyed by all of centennial hall. 
Sara: "How are we supposed to do this workbook if we don't understand them? We were waiting for you to go over them." Insert disgruntled Sass here.
Teacher: Turns to look out at all the students. "Jeez, you guys are all going to fail this final. I can't believe that." proceeds to mock me in higher pitched voice. "Did the ones we knew... Whatever."
Walks to the front of centennial hall and never goes over the workbook. Needless to say I wanted my foot to EXERT a FORCE where the SUN don't shine until this balding, divorcee saw STARS. And that my friends, is the extent of my astronomy knowledge.

So in front of 600 other students I was mocked by a "professor". They were all on my side, by the way. This man is baffoon. He claims we all started out as "hairless apes", but he's the only one who's still bald with no manners. CAN'T WAIT TO BE DONE WITH THAT CLASS!

25!

HAPPY EASTER TO ALL :]

Okay, I'm gonna be serious for a little bit. It's not secret I have had a bit of a rough year. Especially last semester. I'm just going to say there was this kinda of an "Aha moment" where everything just clicked for me! And I am a happy camper and feeling confident in myself. I realized who I do not fit in with, who I don't even want to fit in with, what makes me happy, what doesn't make me happy and most importantly I don't need some dumb boy to make me happy. Besides, I already have an excellent father and he does a mighty fine job of taking care of me! So in the spirit of Easter I decided to write a list of 25 whoppin' things I am thankful for! Even though I clearly have THOUSANDS of things to be thankful for!

1. Mom and Dad. What can I say? You guys rock, you're normal and just plain awesome and take the absolute best care of me!
2. My big bro! Always lookin' out for his sis even a billion miles away.
3. My big sis-in-law! Also always looking out for me and doing a wonderful job raising boys that I have no doubt will be amazing gentlemen!
4. Living in America! (Err, Northern Sonora :p) where I have the opportunity to go to school, work, wear jeans, and do as I please!
5. Good friends who have been there through thick and thin!
6. Cute little G dog and her fur-face!
7. Even though I complain about these living conditions, I am totally lucky to have a warm place to sleep and be!
8. Going through some pretty awful junk, surviving, and coming out strong as ever! (Not that I want to ever do that again!)
9. This lovely cup of coffee next to me I am currently stirring with a plastic fork!
10. My man beater in my desk that will ward off any homeless men/creepers/lurkers!
11. My two and half nephews that are by far the cutest children I have ever seen in my entire life!
12. White baby seal and his spotless record (knock on wood) of keeping me very very safe!
13. People who read this and (hopefully) get my weirdo sense of humor!
14. The sloo of country music I just bought with my Itunes card in my easter basket!
15. The fact that I still get an Easter basket!
16. Getting into the graphic design program and feeling like my hard work and all nighters were all worth it!
17. Seeing the result of all this school in the future!
18. Knowing what I would like to do with my life, but feeling confident that whatever happens its gonna be just fine!
19. Being in good health!
20. Aiden and Ashton's little phrases that pop into my head and bring a random smile to my face, "look a dis!"
21. Arizona's gorgeous weather!
22. Summer coming up!
23. Reese's eggs! (You know they are the best form of Reese's available on the market.)
24. Being able to sleep once again! (Thank God for deep breathing and the gym!)
25. The thing I most appreciate without a doubt is my family! They are literally the most amazing people I know (and I know quite a few people!) La mia famiglia è molta bella as they would say in Italian! So thank you all for being indescribably amazing! Love you all! Miss you all!!

Mom- Get ready for a good drive Saturday, I got a ton of new country you are going to love!
Dad- Here is my most recent project since you were wondering what I have been up to! It's a little bit hard to see the details on the picture but I will be bringing them all home in TWO WEEKS AND THREE DAYS!!!!!! :]

It's basically my hands drawn with charcoal and they are supposed to look like they are pressed up against glass. It's supposed to be a symbol of being "stuck in a box" or being shy when you're around a lot of people. You know these art people and their obsession with concept! lol I am gonna have to redo the background though because someone decided it looked like a lava lamp and my teacher was not pleased with that brilliant analysis. Thanks guy with more piercings that me! lol

Oh and how cute is our dog?!

Okay, now there is one thing I am, however, NOT thankful for! I have to give a SPEECH on a Michael Moore film! That is just so many of my least favorite things rolled into one! lol. YUCK!!! 

Fabulous Friday.

Today was the most relaxing, classically Arizona Friday I can possibly imagine. It was a day filled with what I missed the most in New York! (Besides my fam, of course!)

Let's just say this was my view all day long:

Perfect weather for tanning and swimming and just generally relaxing. So this pool is at the gym which we always drive to since its so far from where my friend lives and even farther from where I live. 

So today we park and I looked at my friend and I said, "Today is the day I am going to get a parking ticket, I can feel it." 

I am snickering just a teeny bit right now because I can TOTALLY hear my mom saying, "Oh Sara, you better not have..." shaking her head of course!

(Mom, I promise this story has a happy ending.) 

So we go to the pool all day and relax and then head back out to my car and low and behold, what do we see on my windshield, none other than this little gem:

I knew today was gonna be the day!!! My friends all agreed I am psychic. Notice, it is just a warning and does not cost any money! (mom, this is the happy ending by the way). But I am psychic nonetheless!!

Two weeks left of school I cannot wait to get out of here!!! I can't wait to get out of this building with a shared ventilation system that makes my room reek of a certain herb. Anywho, I already dropped off this MASSIVE bag of clothes and shoes to my mom today, and she looks in my room and affectionately says, "You still have so much crap!" lol! It's true. LORD knows how I fit all this junk in here! But if it kills me I will get it all out of this dump! 

Oh P.S. 

Andy, RESPOND to my text. Please and thankyou! Also, I am listening to your favorite song:

take you cat and leaveeeee my sweater!! :]

Tuesday.

You know you look really homeless when...

TWO, yes TWO, of your neighbors walk right by you when you wave at them.

Okay, so I've actually learned some useful information in class (shocking, I know!) We learned all the traits of someone who is certifiably a psychopath.

1. Callous unconcern for the feelings of others.
2. Incapacity to maintain enduring relationships.
3. Reckless disregard for the safety of others.
4. Deceitfulness: Repeated lying and conning others for profit.
5. Incapacity to experience guilt.
6. Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behavior.

All this time I thought I just dated an idiot, but I dated a certified psychopath! Lord help me!

Okay, so funny story. Today I was walking on the mall, since the fence has FINALLY been removed, and I saw this kid walking around with a very strange article of clothing.

He was legitimately wearing what you see above, minus the little clawed footies. He was also texting and walking around with a general vibe of "yeah, I'm wearing a dinosaur outfit and I don't even care." Only at U of A can you see dead fetuses on the mall one day and a dinosaur the next. 

That Darn "H"

Oh my god. So my sleep schedule is just absolutely crazy. So last night I had the brilliant idea to fix my sleep schedule by basically starting over. So I cranked out all the work I had due on Monday and Tuesday ALL NIGHT last night and then followed up by watching a marathon of Mob Wives. So, tonight I should go to bed early, sleep like a baby, and be back on track. So keep in mind I have not slept yet.

So, being that my parents are totally normal and know how to spell, they decided to spell my cute little name just the way it freakin sounds. There is no H on my name. And I get quite grumpy when people add that stinky little letter on the end. My name is not Ser-HA. It is Sara. So, because I didn't hate my "many ways to be human" class enough, I now have to lead a 20 minute class discussion about something I do not care about. So I am emailing my teacher back and forth about what to talk about, when to do it, etc. I send the email and of course sign the email with my first and last name, which I spell correctly by the way. So my teacher emails me back and the first word of course is:

"Dear Sarah,"

Okay, you bore me to death in class and you can't read. So I kinda get over that, even though it drives me absolutely nuts when people spell my name wrong when it is written literally right in front of them. So after that I go to the only class I hate even more than the stupid human class, astronomy. So today in class I decided to actually time our teacher and see how long it took for him to actually start teaching us something. 42 minutes and 38 seconds into class this is what my teacher had "taught" us:

1. 90% of the class failed the last exam, yet again.
2. It is not his fault we do not understand or know the material.
3. The bible is a collection of stories and if you believe them you are an idiot.
4. College students are lazy and useless.
5. He hates college students, is divorced (Thank GOD that woman wised up.)

42 minutes. I hate this man and his lack of teaching abilities more than I can even describe! So THEN, we had to fill out these participation forms to prove we were in class. So we were supposed to write the name of our assigned TA (teaching "assistant"). So I wrote this:

"I HAVE EMAILED MY TA THREE TIMES AND HE NEVER EMAILS ME BACK. HE ALSO TOLD ME THE WRONG INFORMATION ON A HOMEWORK QUESTION." And of course my first and last name were on it.

So before the class was even over, my TA wrote back and started with this:

"Sarah,"

Really guy?
I was already angry at the man and I'd been through the name fiasco once already and even before 10am for crying out loud. I was having none of this. So I basically mentioned that the class downright sucked and demanded the information I needed to know about three weeks ago. Needless to say, I found out what I needed to know. Apparently, sass is sometimes the answer.

So since I hadn't slept and I was slightly on the grumpy side, I decided to head to Starbucks for a caramel macchiato. Now, my name and Starbucks do not have a good history. Will they write Darrel, Tara, Darla, or Sarah today?
Well praise God for some chick named Linda because she spelled my name correctly without me even having to tell her! Thankyou Linda and your little green apron for saving me from going insane over that freakin' "H".

That is a first! I will cherish this image forever. Oh and the band aid is from a minor scissor mishap. Aiden, you are not the only one who has trouble holding scissors correctly apparently. 

Okay, so now I am sitting in bed watching E! News and I just saw someone named Boy George. I may have nightmares. Can I also say I am so tired of hearing about Prince William and Kate? I mean really girl, you just go marry a nice guy who is not only your prince but an actual prince, become a princess in the process, and the rest of us will continue getting hit on by frat boys and homeless men. Good deal.

Shoutout!

Okay I must do my homework soon I just wanted to say the weather today is gorgeous!! I've got a grande starbucks, the sun shining in my room, and four more weeks of school! Perfect day except for my food options! Today I woke up and I decided to check what was open at the union on Sundays. Please look over my choices and I think you will share in my disappointment.

Game Room
Computer Lab
Burger King
TV Lounge

Okay, three of those do not even have food! I mean really, that was their list of "dining options" on Sunday.

Anyway, must go work on my school junk!

5am Italian.

It is almost 5am and I have been sitting in my bed writing an extra credit poem for italian while watching the Notebook. That may be the most pathetic sentence I have ever said in my entire life. So being that Italian is the language of love or what have you, I was encouraged to write something romantic. I tried by best but bitter Nancy reared her ugly head and got the best of me. So here it is:

Abbiamo avuto un amore bello.

Ti ho dato il mio tutto,
Mi hai dato un anello.

Ma il nostro amore è stato distrutto.

Hai amato un altro e io non sapevo,

ma lei mi ha detto la tua storia.
E poi il nostro amore è stato perdevo

Ora sei solo una memoria.

Ho usato per pensare a te spesso

Mi sentivo le crepacuore.
Sembra irreale adesso,

come un pezzo di me muore.

Un giorno troverò vero amore,

e si può sapere che cosa hai perso.

Vai all'inferno tu merda di testa.

Tu sei il diavolo.

The last two lines are part of the 'alternate ending' that I will not being turning in so I won't translate them for you lol. So here is the translation (it sounds much prettier in Italian):

We had a beautiful love.
I gave my all,
You gave me a ring.
But our love has been destroyed.
You loved another, and I did not know,
but she told me your story.
And then our love was lost
You are now only a memory.
I used to think of you often
I felt the heartbreak.
It seems unreal now,
like a piece of me died.
One day I will find true love,
and you can know what you lost.

So no one read this and think jeeeeez this girl needs help, I took some of my life experiences and turned them into a poem, but really I am doing just fine lol 

Okay, that's all! Oh and here's this creeped out face I drew while watching the Hollywood Story on Lil Wayne lol. 

OMG.

I am officially psychic. Not psycho, psychic. I foresaw two of my car accidents and numerous other events in my life. Mom, you are my witness you know it's true.
Okay, so my suite mate and I have this weird sort of routine. She always takes a shower at ten and then I take one when she is done at eleven. So, ALL day today I was waiting for a fire drill. Like literally it was just on my mind all day I absolutely knew it was going to happen. So, I decided to snag the shower at ten because I just had this feeling it was going to go off as soon as I stepped in. So I get out, I comb my hair, throw on some clothes and then I jump like two feet in the air. Why did I jump you might ask? Oh, because the fire alarm went off. Spencer was in the shower since she got stuck with second shower for the first time all year. I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. I was literally going to text my friend that is an RA if she knew if one was going to happen sometime this week. So, some IDIOT burnt something in the kitchen so we all had to go stand outside while the fire department and the cops came. We had to be in a little group of annoyed students just like third grade. And then the tards who burnt whatever they were cooking wouldn't own up to it! So we had to wait until one of them finally got le palle to fess up so we could go inside. So I am officially psychic.

However, I did not foresee the absolute fail of an at home wax kit. There is still hair AND wax on my calf. There is also wax on my foot and my carpet. Big time fail. Do not try at home.

Four weeks and I am out of this disgusting building!

ALSO, I dreamed that Andy and Aubrey got a new car. And who is going car shopping on Saturday? Andy and Aubrey. Sorry for spilling the beans on that one Bro, I know you guys like your little surprises. I also dreamed that I drowned, so hopefully that doesn't happen.

Okay, in other news I am watching Fact or Faked and I am terrified at this alien video they are showing right now. Dad, you should watch this one. Oh my god, and now there is a swing that moves by itself! Ah!!! This is the only time I have been thankful to hear my suite mate and her boyfriend next door. Man beater is also near.

I am also quite enjoying Aiden's left over juice boxes. Cept the fruit punch flavor, yuck!

Rare.

Okay, so I'm having one of those rare sentimental moments so I figured I better spill it all out before the moment passes.

It's been a long and stressful past two weeks. I can't even really describe everything that made it that way. School is stressful enough as it is and then throw some real life in there and you've got a very stressed out Sass. I'm almost done with my sophomore year in college and I feel like I have learned more than ever. I also feel like I say that every year. But this year I think I discovered something pretty big, even though it sounds very simple. I think that in the process of finding out who you are, sometimes you have to start by finding out who you are not. And that can be a pretty weird and messy process. I'm kind of at a loss for how to word exactly what I am thinking, which is weird because I really like writing. And if it wasn't one of those majors like forestry or women's studies that people laugh at, I might consider majoring in it. I'll sleep on the subject and see if I can find a better way to word this.

Also, Happy Birthday Ashton. RIP Grandpa. Love you both.

The Zoo.

I would like to start off this Sass rant with a letter.

Dear Wind,
I was totally going for birdnest chic when I did my hair this morning. Thank you for making that happen.
Sincerely, Sass.

Okay, so my school has lovely nicknames. My personal favorite is probably The Zoo. There are many reasons why it is called the zoo (most obvious reason-the crazyness). I think I figured out the main reason today. All semester little groups of high school kids with their parents are plodding along the campus behind some student tour guide showing them the campus. There's moms with folders, dads with cop faces, foreign dads with capris and video cameras, bored younger siblings, and the general disinterest in anything in life written on the high school students faces. So after the third time I was filmed by a foreigner while looking tired and homeless I began to feel a little bit like an animal in the zoo. I can hear the tour guide now...

And to the right we have a small cluster of sleepy students making their way to the main feeding grounds. Observe the despair on their faces as they realize there are not enough tables for them to sit at.
To the left we have the ever popular fraternity boys. Notice their child-like immaturity and general lack of respect for the female species.

I mean really, I don't know what it is about foreigners and their video cameras and their 3/4 length pants. It freaks me out. These groups watch us workout, go to class, eat, and it's weird! I feel like I'm in a zoo! However, I have to admit english is pretty weird language. Foreigners know what's up in the language department. The whole feminine/masculine thing and the infinitive form of verbs totally makes sense! I mean EVERY other language is like that. New flash, english is the odd ball. Other languages also make hurling insults sound so much more beautiful.

So here I sit in my room listening to my suite mate fight with her boyfriend for the millionth time! Can I just say the wall that separates our room is made of stone blocks? Yet, I can still tell you they are fighting because she wouldn't go buy him groceries and she hates his mother? That is how loud they yell, hence I am writing this and not napping! So I have some random stories that have occurred in the past few weeks.

1. Today I walked into class and my teacher told us since less than half the class was there we would all get extra credit. If you are a teacher and you have to start out by saying, "Since less than half the class is here," you need to spice up your dang class. Of course this was "Many Ways of Being Human", the most appallingly boring class on the face of the freaking planet.

2. The other day I am leaving the gym after running 3 miles. Yes, like 3 actual miles on a tread mill, not an elliptical, and I accidently kick a small rock. I observe the rock bopping down the sidewalk for the next twenty feet. And what does this rock bounce up and hit? Oh yeah, the guy in the wheelchair with two broken legs. Not one! Both broken legs! Wow, I am a horrible person.

3. Yesterday I was already packing up some of my junk in my car because I am THAT excited to move out of this refurbished Motel 6. I noticed some strange marks outside my door, and only my door.

Well, at least this proves I wasn't using spray adhesive in my room. Yay for being an art student, err excuse me, DESIGN student. 

4. I can now say I have scanned my own face in my scanner. Again, art class is to blame. 

I think this is mostly all the exciting things going on at the moment. My suitemate and her boyfriend seem to have shut up for the moment so I am going to try and take a nap. Hopefully the UMC helicopter will take a break from its hourly flyovers, the suntran will stop driving by, and maybe then I can actually sleep. 

Friday Night In.

So I am quite enjoying my Friday night in, now that the horrendous feeling in my gut has gone. (Never eat mayo that doesn't taste quite right.) So now that my stomach is better these are the things I have accomplished:

1. Downloaded the soundtracks to Oceans 11, 12, and 13
2. Done Italian homework
3. Read a book

This has turned out to be quite a productive day!